Jobs Characters from LOTR would be Sure to HATE!
by THECheeseTurkey
Summary: What if something had gone horribly wrong and everyone in LOTR was forced to get a job that was absolutely wrong for them? Find out here! Yet another collection of short stories from our good friend THECheeseTurkey!
1. Aragorn

Jobs that the people from Lord of the Rings would most certainly hate

(Speaking in totally phony British accent) Hello and welcome to this newly discovered and highly disturbing documentary of Jobs that the people from Lord of the Rings would most certainly hate.

Brought to you today by the letter 9 and Cheesy's random brain that does not know the difference between a letter and a number.

So sit back and enjoy this new random insanity with no real purpose except for bizarre entertainment of people that have nothing better to do.

This documentary contains some disturbing images so viewer discretion is advised.

Thank-you…

OoooO

Firstly we shall join Aragorn who, after being denounce of his kingship for his involvement in the great toaster heist, needed to find a job and picked one that was totally wrong for him.

So today we shall see how Aragorn handles his new job as an employee at the mall in the store of Victoria's Secrets…

Aragorn sighed and placed another customers stuff in a frilly pink bag. The girl took her bag from him and smiled cutely. Aragorn gave her one of those 'I really don't want to be here right now' looks.

Was being so close to the camping store really worth this? Was it? Aragorn wasn't sure anymore. After his long brutal shift at Victoria's Secrets, the store filled with smelly perfume, skimpy PINK underwear and all around pink girly-ness, he was really beginning to have doubts.

The only reason why he took the stupid job at the bra store was because the previously mentioned camping store was right next to it. WHY Aragorn just didn't get a job at the camping store the world may never know. Aragorn growled and pulled at the pink uniform that they made all of their employees wear, complete with pink hat and matching purse and shoes and even…pink nail polish.

They had basically told him that EVERYTHING about his outfit needed to be pink.

Another woman came up to him and held out a bra, "I'm ready to buy this now."

WAS the camping store worth this?

Aragorn sighed and tried to scan the bra, but it wouldn't work. He had to announce it over the intercom and his manager came over. She said she would handle the problem, and told him to go arrange the new sale sign displays in the front window. Aragorn groaned and stalked over to the FRONT WINDOW out in the open where EVERYONE what sure to see him, a GUY working in a BRA store.

He started putting up the display of the underwear model when he heard a familiar voice.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I did not steal your curtains from you room and use the to clog the toilet! I don't know why u keep accusing me of such horrible things!"

Who else could _that_ be but Legolas talking to his evil keeper Cheesy on the cell phone?

Aragorn quickly ducked behind the signs but they were just a little bit to small to completely hide him and the top of his head poked out.

"NO CHEESY! I'm not going to buy you stuff! What do I look like a slave!…What? No! Well duh I'm at the mall! Gosh! HUH? What did you say to me! No, why…I don't know…yes, I am making a scene…OH SHUT UP! Onion spice to you too!"

He had stopped right in front of the store and was chatting away. Then he just so happened to glance over and see Aragorn peeking out from behind a sign. Legolas raised an eyebrow and hung up on Cheesy, he walked over to the store and tapped on the glass.

"Aragorn!" He said, "What are you doing in THAT store?"

Aragorn slowly stood up revealing his employee nametag. Legolas laughed hysterically and pointed.

"You…you w…work HERE? AHAHHAHAH!"

Aragorn shushed him and dragged him inside.

"For your information I do! And its only because I want to be close to the camping store." Aragorn replied

"But HERE?" Legolas exclaimed, "Look around Aragorn! Its PINK! And Girly!"

"Humph! I'm surprised you don't like it _Legolas_."

"What's THAT suppose to mean _Aragorn_?"

"Oh nothing, nothing, How could you ever think that I was implying something. You only like to write in a PINK DIARY!" Aragorn yelled making sure everyone in the store heard him

"Shut up!" Legolas mumbled and threw a bra at Aragorn's head slingshot style, "I'm not the one that carries around a PET TELEPHONE!"

"Yoooooooouuuuu…you're pure evil! You swore you would never again mention Phony-poo-poo Princess Puff!" Aragorn hissed and threw underwear back at him

"Yeah, all words that go with pink!" Legolas replied, "And would you stop throwing underwear at me!"

Legolas picked up some frilly panties and prepared to throw them at Aragorn.

"Look mommy," said a little kid passing by with their mother, "Those scary men are playing with underwear!"

"Yes Billy, they are _bad_ men. You should never talk to people like that okay?"

"Yes mommy."

Legolas heard this and frowned, "Okay, that's it. I'm out of here."

Then he stalked off leaving Aragorn all alone to the horrors of the pinkness.

"Hey! Come back Legolas what am I suppose to do all alone in here?" Aragorn yelled and followed him out of the store

Legolas ignored him and for some reason people were staring. Why wouldn't they? A freaky man wearing pink just came out of a bra store.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" he said and grabbed Legolas' arm

Legolas turned around slowly and did his best to look surprised, "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't believe I know you."

"What! Come on Legolas!" Aragorn said

"I'm sorry sir, I think you have the wrong person. Now please, I need to go back to work."

"LEGOLAS! STOP IT!"

"I'm not Legolas! I told you! I don't know you! You must have me confused with someone else! Now leave me alone!"

"Oh no! I'm not leaving till you admit you know me! Dude, I thought you were better than this and would support me in my darkest hour! We have known each other since before we could walk!"

"NO WE HAVENT! WHO ARE YOU! STALKER!"

"LEGOLAS! STOP IT! YOU ARE MAKING ME UPSET!"

"Um…Aragorn?"

Aragorn turned around and saw another Legolas behind him. The real Legolas he was looking for. He was holding Cheesy's cell phone and a strawberry-pineapple smoothie. Yes, THIS was real Legolas.

Aragorn looked back at the other guy and realized it was not Legolas…

There was an awkward silence in which the other guy walked away…err, okay RAN away as fast as he possibly could, fearing for his life against the 'evil stalker'.

"Um, I think im going to go now!" the real Legolas said and also ran off

Aragorn sighed and slowly walked back in Victoria's secretes with half the people in the mall staring that him.

"Excuse me, you have this in a smaller size?" a woman asked and held out a pair of underwear

Aragorn decided the camping store was SO not worth it.

OooO

Heh, so what do you think? Like, hate? Let me know! And tell me if you have any ideas of who else should get a horrible job that is totally wrong for them!

Short stories are so fun.


	2. Haldir

Jobs that the people from Lord of the Rings would most certainly hate

(This idea came from one of my best friends, so this is my thankful shout out to her for the rockin' idea…HI KELLY!)

(Still speaking in totally phony British accent) Welcome back to day 2 of our disturbing footage of Lord of the Rings characters in bad situations. If you are all still alive please prepare yourselves to witness Haldir at a Job he would certainly hate.

OooO

'_Galadriel has a horrible sense of humor'_ though Haldir as he sat in the mall all dressed up in a big fat Santa suit that was about 10 sizes to large for him

It was before opening time and Haldir sat on the butt ugly Santa throne thinking about how he came to be here.

For not remembering to alphabetize her collection of fancy assorted dishtowels Galadriel had secretly gotten her revenge by signing Haldir up to be the mall's Santa. When he had gotten the call on Saturday morning to come in for the job Haldir had laughed loudly into the phone, rudely declined, and hung up.

"Stupid Galadriel." Haldir mumbled

He figured she was the only one who could have set something up like that. Unless it was Elrond…Haldir refused to remember those horrible memories from that evil summer day a few years involving Elrond, Legolas, Aragorn, a paintbrush and a giant pair of underwear.

Haldir shuddered at the thought, grabbed his cloak and went in search of Galadriel. He was almost to Galadriel's shiny mirror place when he heard a strange sound coming from the bushes. At first Haldir thought it was rabid, evil teenaged girls in black SUVs come to kidnap him but then he realized that it something else. A group of girls would have been louder…

"Hello?" Haldir called peering into the bush

There was a gurgling noise and then short creatures dressed in red and green with tiny bells on their shoes jumped out. There must have been about 60 of them.

"You must come with us now great leader!" They said and danced around him

Haldir's expression matched this: -.O?

"Who are you people?" he asked

"We are your loyal servants oh lord Santa!" they said and bowed to him

"Okaaay…I think you have me conf-wait! Did you say Santa?"

They nodded.

"No! I'm not Santa! Go away! Galadriel should not have-

But the ugly little Santa elves teamed together and knocked Haldir over. Then they sprayed some weird substance that smelled suspiciously like gingerbread and Haldir passed out.

Once the Santa elves knew that Haldir wasn't going to give them any more trouble they lifted him off to the mall with help from teenaged girl in black SUVs.

When Haldir woke up he was forced to put on the cursed red and white suit (complete with fake beard) under pain of death by Christmas caroling. Haldir had no idea how that would happen but decided it was better to do what they said.

So he put on the suit that was obviously designed for an obese person, and walked out to the scary Santa throne. He sat down and watched as the scary Santa elves filed out of two doors and stood around him, _guarding him. _They made sure that he wouldn't try to escape and held sharpened candy canes, incase he did try something.

The mall was opening in a few minuets and soon there would be a flood of little kids all coming in, standing in line for hours all waiting to sit on his lap and beg for toys. Oh yes, Haldir knew the horrible tales of this 'Santa Claus'. There was a particularly disturbing story he remembered from a while ago that involved an evil Santa, Frodo, a chalkboard and evil plots.

Suddenly there was a loud blaring noise like an air raid siren. Haldir looked around wildly.

"What is it? What's going on?" He asked

"The children come." the creepy Santa elves said all at the same time in a flat sounding voice

"Wha-

But then he heard it, the loud high-pitched chatter of thousands of little children running towards him at unthinkable speed with their parents puffing behind them trying to catch up. All the kids formed a sad excuse for a line in front of him. All the separated Haldir from the evil little beings was a small red velvet rope.

An old lady appeared from the back. She looked like a cheesy Christmas time sitcom Grandma all dressed up for Christmas. She had a cookie tray full to the ceiling with different shaped cookies and a nametag that read 'Mrs. Claus'.

"Who wants to see Santa?" She exclaimed and started passing out cookies

"**WE DO! WE DO! WE DO!" **All the children screamed as the jumped up and down

"Okay! You're first little girl!" Mrs. Claus yelled

She picked up the little girl and set her down on Haldir's lap. The little girl sat there and stared at him for a while before she started shrieking loudly and hugged him.

"HI SANTA! I wanna pony, a castle, a fluffy puppy, a princess crown, pink nail polish, a unicorn, a pretty dress and a pink car!"

Haldir looked disturbed, "But I don't have-

One of the Santa elves jabbed him with candy cane.

He winced, "Um, okay then little girl."

The little girl crossed her arms and pouted, "You are suppose to laugh merrily!"

"What?"

"Santa is suppose to laugh!" she insisted

"No! I'm not laughing! Go away!"

The Santa elves poked him again. The little girl rolled her eyes and ran off to complain to her mommy and daddy that Santa was a mean bad man.

The next little kid happened to be a little boy with a bad cold. The second he was placed on Haldir's lap he started coughing. Then he turned and sneezed right in Haldir's face blowing germs all over him.

"Hey Santa!" The little kid said, "I want a fire truck and I want my cold to go away!"

He sneezed again showering Haldir with more germs.

"EW! Get it away!" Haldir yelled as the kid was taken of his lap and another one was there right away

"I WANT A CHOCOLATE BAR! I LIKE CHOCOLATE! GIMME CHOCOLATE! AHHHAHA!" Screamed a chocolate loving five year old as loud as she possibility could

"Start 'em of young on the chocolate, that's what I always say!" Said the kids mom, "Tell Santa what you want for Christmas!"

"I DID! I WANT CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE! **_CHOCOLATE!_**"

By this time Haldir was severely disturbed. How much longer did he have to be here? The rush of little kids seemed never ending! They just kept coming like a tidal wave of moldy hair dryers! It was a nightmare that no one should ever have to experience. Haldir least of all!

'Elves should never be subjected to such evil!' he thought

Suddenly he thought that he saw Galadriel walking through the crowds of angry middle-aged women fighting each other viciously for those last minuet charismas sales. Haldir jumped out of the Santa throne and ran over to her.

He grabbed by the hair and started yelling at her about the evils of being a mall store Santa. _'Galadriel'_ turned around. It was in that moment that Haldir realized 'Galadriel' was a five hundred-pond biker with a beard.

How he could have made that mistake the world may never know. The biker dude freaked out at being touched by a mall store Santa. He gave a war cry and attacked Haldir, throwing him backwards into the fountain.

"Freak!" the biker yelled and the blew a raspberry at him

Haldir laid in the fountain and stared up at the ceiling.

Galadriel would pay!

"Come on Santa! You are needed great leader!" said on of the freaky elves

OooO

Haha, dont ask. Just review please! Ah you can ask if you want i suppose!


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